Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
