my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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