I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
