You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Boobs speak an international language.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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