it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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