butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
