I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
