Me too!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
