when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
