the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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