We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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