i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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