So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
