Non-Jews are for practice
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
