She is in my trunk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I want is dick and wine.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
