Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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