none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
