My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
