she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
