mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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