Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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