May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
