I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
