You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
