I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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