i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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