god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
