i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
