Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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