She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
