Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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