someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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