Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
