The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
