11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
