Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
