This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
