I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
