Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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