I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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