On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
