I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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