Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
