trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
