Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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