just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
