Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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