I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
