another moral hangover. fuck.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
