Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
