So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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