You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
