WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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