I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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