I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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