it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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